Bird Watching Mystic steals credit for coffee discovery

So why is it that everything we don’t understand or everything we don’t really know much about was always either discovered by, or perfected by, or handed to some mystic medicine man or tribal healer somewhere in some later part of some earlier century? Case in point… Coffee.

Some Bird Watching Dude

And I quote the omnipotent Wikipedia “there are several legendary accounts of the origin of the drink itself. One account involves the Yemenite Sufi mystic Ghothul Akbar Nooruddin Abu al-Hasan al-Shadhili.[5] When traveling in Ethiopia, the legend goes, he observed birds of unusual vitality, and, upon trying the berries that the birds had been eating, experienced the same vitality.”

Okay so the guy saw birds. But these birds looked younger than their buddies (which were obviously all the same age judging by whatever one judges avian ages by) and so it occurred to him that it must be the berries they were eating. It couldn’t have been that they were just younger birds. Oh no. It HAD to be the berries. So I wonder what happened then? Because I KNOW this guy would’ve hurled those magic berries right out had he just picked a handful and shoveled them into his mystic Yemenite mouth. The other, dare I say more believable story attributes the discovery to this guy’s disciple… or appy.

Okay so maybe it was the appy

And I consult the oracle once again on this.

“According to the ancient chronicle (preserved in the Abd-Al-Kadir manuscript), Omar, who was known for his ability to cure the sick through prayer, was once exiled from Mocha to a desert cave near Ousab. Starving, Omar chewed berries from nearby shrubbery, but found them to be bitter. He tried roasting the beans to improve the flavor, but they became hard. He then tried boiling them to soften the bean, which resulted in a fragrant brown liquid. Upon drinking the liquid Omar was revitalized and sustained for days. As stories of this “miracle drug” reached Mocha, Omar was asked to return and was made a saint.”

Believe it dammit

Sounds a lot more believable doesn’t it? But the real problem here is the fact that we all just accept whatever is written on wikipedia as gospel. On that note we all just accept that whatever has been written in a gospel is also truth, but that has nothing to do with coffee, or historical truth, so let’s stay focused for a second.

What if the most believable origin of coffee was actually a lot less believable? What if coffee was actually only invented in the time of our grandparents. And that we are only told lies like these “origin tales” to keep us from seeing that the world is only as old as what we are. If you think about it, everything that exists around you really is only as old as what you are and that when you die, everything else dies as well. How would know if this weren’t the case?

In fact, how would you know that when you die you actually immediately start living your current life again and that you don’t remember it because of the whole dying and being reborn thing? If this were true you could argue that there really aren’t 7 billion people in the world. What happens if you are just a repeat of you? That would explain why some people experience deja vu, or why some people are better at math than others.

This could explain a lot of things, but what it won’t do is provide us with a distinct answer to the coffee conundrum. All it does is enforce the belief that there can never be too much coffee. And there can never be too much time.



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